i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
