Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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