i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
