Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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