just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
last night I used snow as a chaser
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
