I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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