i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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