grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
