Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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