A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
