Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
