I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
