explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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