I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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