The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
