Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
why do cheetos always look like penises
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
