Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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