i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
