He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
