dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
