can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
