In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
