i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
