so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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