Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
