Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
