She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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