mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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