I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
