I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
