I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
