Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
