You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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