So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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