Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
