The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
