i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
