I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
