Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
