margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
