Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
