legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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