The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
