why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
