Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
