somebody snuck up and got me drunk
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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