...so i touched it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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