I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
