The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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