I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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