How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
