Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
